Episode 20: Start Small

If you have a big dream and grand plans to get there, the last thing you probably want to hear is that it's best to start small. Join us as we illustrate that small, measured steps are the best way to get a return on your physical and energetic investment.

RETRACTION: At the end of the podcast, we announce that we'll be back on February 27th. We will actually be back on March 6th. So sorry for the miscommunication!

Transcript

Many of us have this idea of how our life ‘ought’ to be… if we just knew the right people or had the right opportunities or moved to the right places or had the right amount of money… 

There’s often an air of ‘what if’ in the way that we tend to think of our ideal selves occupying our ideal lives. Because millions of people are dreamers by default, it’s pretty common to allow your mind to extend beyond the space in which you presently find yourself. Dreams are the seeds greatness, so there is certainly nothing wrong with the practice. 

BUT…

While it is perfectly fine to occupy the dreaming space, it can be detrimental if we don’t apply some of those dreams in a tangible way to our current existence. Making the shift from dreams to reality can be overwhelming, and may cause you to stay stuck for lack of direction on how to make that shift. This is especially true if your dreams are big and far-reaching. The best way to get your arms around the magnitude of a dream is to start small.

Whether your dream is about improving yourself, advancing in your career, traveling extensively or starting a business… the best way to make those dreams a reality is by starting where you are, and having a plan on where you’d like to be. 

If your dream is about evolving yourself in some tangible and realistic way, then it’s best to begin in the skin you currently occupy. Who are you right now, in this space? Who would you like to become? It’s possible that the gap between these questions is too large to bridge in a single bound. That’s normal. So, your task is to build a bridge between who you are, and who you’d like to be… brick by proverbial brick.

Let’s start with something common. Let’s say you’d like to be a more confident and outgoing person in the physical space. Let’s assume that you are a natural introvert who potentially deals with anxiety in large or crowded spaces. Let’s say that the pandemic exacerbated this personality trait due to long periods of quarantine. So beyond the necessary reasons to leave your personal space, you rarely make contact with others face to face. Let’s assume that you spend most of your time in the digital space, but maybe you’re not exactly thriving there. Between doom scrolling and the comparison demon, the thing you wish the most is to extricate yourself from the space and seek fresh new physical horizons. 

There’s a good chance that the gap between the space that you currently occupy, and the one that you’d like to occupy is pretty big. It may feel insurmountable, and may cause you to want to retreat. But the reality is that your dream of becoming a more outgoing individual is not impossible. You can take real steps to move past your anxiety and fear, and occupy a new and tangible space in a way that helps you feel comfortable and confident.

First things first: get off of your devices. Only make exceptions for work or absolute necessity (and gaming live is not an absolute necessity… although we understand that this is literally how some digital types build community. Binging a new show is also not a necessity. Some of y’all would perish in the days of network and cable television, when you literally had to wait an entire week just to catch the next episode). 

Stepping away from your devices is akin to ‘ripping off the Band-Aid.’ As long as you’re buried in your phone or computers, you won’t be doing the work to move into a more physical space. 

Also… a side note: if this move feels impossible, there’s a good chance that you need to take a hard look at your relationship with the digital space. Like many things in life, occupying the space can become addictive, and take you away from your physical existence. We already understand the potential correlation between digital addiction and anxiety, depression, low self-esteem and a host of other mental and emotional roadblocks. If you fall into this category, please don’t despair. You can still take baby steps toward disconnecting yourself from the digital space in a way that is balanced and healthy. 

Let’s say that taking one giant step away from your devices is impractical. Instead, you may need to take small steps to full disconnect. Start by keeping a log of how much time you spend on any of your electronic devices. You can keep a physical log, or set up a program on each device to record the amount of time you spend on a daily basis. Do this for a week. At the end of that week, take stock and sort through the time that you have to spend… again for work or absolute necessity… and the time you spent out of boredom or familiarity. Set aside the necessary time, and work on  shrinking the recreational time. Set a realistic goal for the following week with a plan to shave off one or several hours not only each day, but during certain times of the day when you are most likely to lose time in the digital space. 

Each week, repeat this exercise until you’ve shrunk your recreational time to a few hours a day… or even few hours a week. Can you imagine spending only 3 to 4 recreational hours a week in the digital space? Can you imagine what you’d be able to do with all that time in the outside world?

Let’s work on that. What are you interested in? If you did not have access to televisions and computers and phones, what would you most likely be doing with your time? If you don’t have an answer right away, don’t worry. If the very idea of doing something that does not involve an electronic device is foreign, you’re not alone. We’ve managed to raise at least one generation almost exclusively the digital space, so it’s no wonder that so many people are at a loss about how to enrich their lives without access to that space. 

So if you’re not sure what you’re interested in, take a moment to sit with yourself. In all of that streaming and scrolling, did anything ever catch your eye? Did you ever think to yourself: That’s interesting. I’d like to try that. If the answer is yes, then we have a place to start. If the answer is no… well… that’s a different podcast for a different time.

Let’s assume that the answer is yes. Let’s say that in all of your recreational time in the digital space, you fell in love with reels about hummingbirds. Yes, it’s a thing. Because of the intrusive nature of social algorithms, if you like one reel about hummingbirds… suddenly hummingbirds are all you start getting on your home feeds. So let’s say that the hummingbirds caught your eye, and you like every post or video that shows up on the subject.

Here’s the thing: While you’ve been liking images or recordings of hummingbirds, those actual creatures have been moving through and living their lives in the physical space. Perhaps now that you’ve weaned yourself away from spending too much time in the digital world, you have an inclination to learn more about them, and perhaps observe them in a real and tangible way. Guess what? You can do that!

Start small. Use your devices to do some real research about hummingbirds. Consider setting up a feeder outside of your home to observe them in real time. Consider photographing them yourself. Consider reaching out to experts on the bird, and joining communities that share your common interest.

Now… you might be tempted to dive back into your digital devices and try to do all of this stuff electronically. But that would undo the entire point of trying to reach your goal. Instead, reach out to an ACTUAL HUMAN on a phone or in person to talk about hummingbirds. Look for other humans who meet and discuss hummingbirds, and maybe trade photos in the PHYSICAL space. If your goal was to be more outgoing, starting with like-minded individuals in small, controlled environments is a good way to head in the direction of that goal.

The best way to step into the physical space in a balanced way is to start in the spaces and places where you feel the most comfortable. For many of us, that’s a place where the other humans in it share a common interest. It can help us build the confidence to move freely within that space, and perhaps in time expand our horizons in ways we never thought possible. So maybe you start with a small group in your physical area that shares your love of hummingbirds. Maybe you connect with certain members of that group and expand your knowledge and expertise on the subject. Maybe you consider travelling away from your local space to learn more about hummingbirds in different parts of the country… or even the entire western hemisphere. And as you learn… with each step you become more comfortable and confident about expanding your physical spaces without feeling consumed by them. 

Please understand that this process could take months, or maybe even years. Avoid putting a timeline on things, and move at a pace that feels healthiest to you. The idea is to take one small step after another in the direction of your goal. Those steps should be thoughtful and measured. Stepping too small can leave you stagnant. But stepping too large can cause you to panic and retreat back to the beginning, with less potential of you ever taking that chance again. The amount of time it takes you to reach this goal is not a measure of your quality as a human. It takes as long as it takes. 

You can apply the idea of small, measured steps to any aspect of your life. In my world, the most common change people seek is a physical and emotional one. Many of them come to me with a large dream and a grand plan to make it happen. And it can sometimes be a challenge to help them step back and consider a more measured approach to achieving their goals. 

A perfect example is physical fitness. Many potential clients want to join classes or invest in private sessions, without ever considering the very thing that would help them succeed… which is their nutrition. Beyond helping them feel better and perform better in workouts, balanced nutrition also helps with cognitive function and emotional balance.  On many occasions, I’ve experienced resistance on this subject, and some people have decided to walk away completely because I won’t validate their reasoning of ‘no pain no gain’ and allow them to simply power their way through to their goals.

On the subject of advancing one’s career… the corporate space has literally outlined the pathway from the mailroom to the boardroom. But outside of that space, it can be difficult to navigate the most effective journey toward your goals. Instead of trying to do everything at once, take stock of where you are right now. Measure that distance against where you’d like to be, and outline small tangible steps to get there. Educate yourself along the way, and always be prepared to pivot. The professional business space is full of entrepreneurs who started with a dream, but were quickly shown the reality of doing business in a tangible and sustainable way. Unless there is a willingness to learn about taking measured steps to make a company successful, and the flexibility to pivot when things don’t go as planned, there’s a chance that the endeavor will fail. 

The same can be true on the subject of traveling. People who have never traveled tend to have grand plans to visit some far away place, but somehow never got around to applying for a passport. When they’re presented with the idea of perhaps visiting another city or another state, they might scoff at the idea because they feel it’s too small a goal. But the reality is, those trips can get bigger and grander and more exotic, as the traveler broadens their horizons. 

The idea of starting small can also apply to personal relationships. If you’ve been in one for longer than a few minutes, you’ve probably learned that relationships are entities that ebb and flow from moment to moment. Once the chemical attraction wears off after the initial six to 18 months, you’re left with the idea of a thing that you’ll either want to work on, or walk away from. If you decide the latter, you may find that it’s rarely the massive or grand gestures that strengthen the foundation in a solid relationship. It’s likely the small and considerate gestures from moment to moment that keep those involved fulfilled, content and together. 

The more you step away from the idea of waving a magic wand to make all your dreams come true, the more you are likely to take small and measureable steps toward the things that you really want in your life. While there are no hard and fast rules to how you choose to take that journey, it has been proven time and time again that ‘starting small’ can lead to a pretty substantial return on your investment.