HABIBI LIFE: Practical Advice for an Abundant Life
HABIBI LIFE: Practical Advice for an Abundant Life
Episode 17: Self Care Check In
We're about a month into the New Year. How are you doing? Now is the time to check in with yourself, and find out if you're doing the things to truly help you reach your highest and your healthiest potential.
How are you feeling? We’re closing out the first month of the New Year… and it’s possible that you’ve found yourself far away from the optimism and possibility that infused the millions of humans at the start of 2023. If all of those plans and hopes and dreams seem a lifetime away right now, don’t worry. By now, many people have slipped away from their potential and possibility, only to slide back into the old habits and routines that caused them to make those resolutions in the first place.
So instead of beating yourself up about, let’s take stock instead. It’s time to check in with yourself, with your hopes, your dreams… and your potential.
STEP ONE: Reset your Resolutions
Please note that this is not the same as giving up on your initial plans or goals. This is simply an opportunity to take stock of what you want, and how you’d like to get there. Often we set resolutions and goals without a real-world snapshot of what it might actually take to achieve them… especially if we’ve put ourselves on a timeline. One of the very normal things that happens along the journey is… we backslide. This is not a sign that you need to give up, or that you’re not focused enough to reach your goals. It’s a natural part of the process. The reality is that the journey is NOT linear. So if you haven’t already, make space in your resolutions and plans for the occasional backslide, and more than a few opportunities to pivot.
So as you reset your resolutions, consider breaking each one down into smaller, more achievable milestones. Consider the time and energy it might take to achieve those milestones, and shift your ‘big picture’ perspective so that it’s less likely to become overwhelming. Doing this can not only help you achieve those resolutions and goals, they can also give you a clear idea on exactly how to get there.
This practice aligns with self-care because it takes away the pressure that we often assign ourselves to achieve. Allow yourself the space to realize that everyone’s journey is different, and in the end your journey is for you alone. So you’ll get there when you get there. Try not to set unrealistic expectations of yourself, so that you can take the journey AND fulfill those resolutions with a sense of gratitude and peace.
STEP TWO: Take only what you need
We live in a world where we are constantly being told who we are, who we should endeavor to be, what we need, and what we should have. It’s easy to become overwhelmed by all of the noise in physical, digital and the social space. When we listen to all of those outside voices, we can sometimes lose ourselves in the process, and find ourselves in a never ending cycle to consume in the hopes of somehow making ourselves better.
The entire premise of this exercise is designed to drain you of the very thing that makes you… you. With roots in capitalism… the constant demand for your attention entices you with the message that if you just purchase this thing… do this thing… look this way… that you will somehow be… better. From spiritual guidance to the latest edition or upgrade of whatever, there is no shortage of stimulus to pull your attention away from the only thing that matters: what YOU actually need to thrive in your life.
Sometimes the very thing that we need is nothing at all. Sometimes it’s healthy to be still, take stock of who you are, where you are, what you have, and how you feel… to understand that the most amazing part of your life is… you. So endeavor to quiet all of the outside noise. Step away from the need to be sold the story that you are somehow incomplete without the acquisition of a thing that promises to make you whole. Instead step back and see the noise for what it is. And then take only what you need, and leave the rest.
STEP THREE: Walk away from Drama
Let’s take a moment to acknowledge that this step is a lot easier said than done. If part of your old habits include somehow finding yourself in the middle of, or lending energy to drama… it’s possible that you’ve slid right back into those old habits. Because although we logically understand that drama isn’t good for anyone, emotionally it can be a familiar space to occupy.
Maybe you’re not the one creating the drama. Maybe it’s not in your nature to stir the pot or fill an otherwise quiet space in the hopes of stimulating some need deep within your psyche. Maybe you’re the listener. You’re the one that all of the dramatic types run to in search of counsel, and in the hopes that you’ll choose their side of things. It’s quite possible that you see this action as good friendship or in the name of performing a public service to keep the peace. But the question you ought to ask yourself is, how does your part in said drama make you feel?
If you find yourself completely drained after listening to someone else’s drama, then you might want to sit with yourself and ask why you allowed that person to drain your energy. Before you are satisfied with the pat response of just ‘being a good friend or co-worker or family member’… dig a little deeper to find out what you’re getting out of the exchange. Good, bad or indifferent, we get something out of every relationship. And if your relationships are draining you, there’s a chance that you find some nobility or benevolence in being the person that all of your dramatic counterparts can run to, even at the expense of your own physical and mental well-being.
If this is you, don’t fret. Instead, take stock of how often you find yourself in the familiar space of drama, and outline practical ways to step away from it. Maybe that means shutting down your phone when you are working, instead of constantly being distracted by text messages or phone calls. Maybe that means having a hard daily deadline of how much time you’ll spend dealing with drama of any sort, and when you’ll step away from it altogether in the name of your own peace of mind. It might also mean carving out ‘real time’ to do the things that you want to do, with a firm commitment to not be interrupted by anyone else’s issues during that time.
Because here’s the reality: unless you set boundaries, there is no incentive for anyone to respect them. If you are juggling multiple dramatic humans, there’s a high likelihood that they are disinterested in what anyone else is going through, or how much of your time has already been squandered by others. They are less likely to be considerate of your time, your energy or your efforts… unless you make your feelings known. Those who love and respect you are more likely to honor your wishes. And those who don’t… well. You may have to take stock of who you let into your space, and adjust accordingly.
Stepping away from drama and setting boundaries is a powerful and measurable form of self-care. Honor your personal time and energy, and decide who and what is allowed to occupy your space at any given moment.
STEP FOUR: Move your Body
Many of us think of exercise in terms of the aesthetic benefits. Gyms and studios are packed with people on the quest to achieve a certain body shape or size. But the actual act of moving your body has benefits for your mental health that can’t often be seen from the outside.
Exercise improves mental health by reducing anxiety, depression, and negative mood and by improving self-esteem and cognitive function. Exercise can also help you get a better night’s sleep, improve your energy levels and help you release stress. If we step away from the visual quest associated with exercise, we can come to appreciate just how fundamental it is to self-care.
The exercise you choose doesn’t have to be strenous, or be performed with an aestheic goal in mind. You don’t have engage in complicated movement, or pay anyone to show you how to move. You can get up and go for a walk. Maybe go for a hike or a run if you’re looking for a bigger challenge. Maybe you take up some form of dance or martial arts as a way to express yourself and learn something new. You can also find plenty of free instruction online, and decide for yourself how you’d like to move your body for your own mental health and well-being.
STEP FIVE: Sit with yourself
One of the things guaranteed to take us away from self-care is external distraction. We’ve already covered shutting out external noise and stepping away from the people and situations that keep us mired in drama. But it’s also important to be still, and resist the urge to distract ourselves from whatever is happening within us.
Sitting with yourself doesn’t have to mean going into deep meditation or even journaling about your feelings. In fact, it doesn’t even have to involve sitting. We just use the word as a placeholder for the opportunity to engage in deep reflection. You can participate in this exercise by taking a walk with no distractions like music or scrolling on your phone. Look around and take in your surroundings. Reflect on where you are, and how your environment makes you feel.
Doing this might truly help you understand where you are, and perhaps even where you’d like to be. From physical location to spiritual exploration, sitting with yourself is a great way to take stock of what’s happening from moment to moment, and how you personally factor into those events.
Let’s agree that this step, although quite beneficial, can be very difficult. It might even be as difficult as stepping away from drama. Because sitting with oneself requires a dose of courage, and the ability to be honest with yourself. This exercise is not always positive. There’s a chance that you might uncover some habits or tendencies that you really don’t like in any human, let alone yourself. When that happens, you might shy away from the discovery… or abandon the practice of self-reflection altogether. This is where the courage comes in. Try to stick with it, and instead of running away, work on a way to learn and grow from the discovery and perhaps evolve into a version of yourself that you’re more happy to sit with.
Sitting with yourself, although tough, is a special form of self care. Instead of listening to others telling you what you need… you’re able to reflect and identify what you actually need to thrive. Self-reflection is a necessary tool for self-improvement. Because our existence is in a constant state of change, it behooves us to ride that ever-evolving wave in a way that helps us understand who we are and how we factor into our environments.
STEP SIX: Get some Sleep
This might seem rudimentary, but the reality is that many people don’t get the rest they need to truly thrive. So many people sleep just long enough to function, but never to truly make the most of their waking moments. This is why drinking coffee is such a cultural ritual. From funny memes to real-life angry outbursts, there are plenty of humans who embody the idea that they are less than lovely without their morning cup of Joe.
What if, instead of waking up wrecked and in search of that coffee fix, you woke up refreshed and ready to take on whatever the day brings? What if you practiced getting an appropriate (and I say appropriate because it varies from human to human) amount of sleep every night… instead of just sleeping in on your days off?
Getting an appropriate amount of sleep is measurably linked to getting sick less often, maintaining a healthy weight, and lowering your risk for major health problems like heart disease. Making sleep a priority is also associated with reducing stress and improving your mood. When you’re rested, you can think more clearly and perform tasked with better focus. It may also help you get along better with others… and maybe steer that conversation in another direction when you’re confronted with drama.
And beyond your day-to-day routine, getting enough sleep can help you see beyond your regular habits and practices and perhaps endeavor to enhance your existence in a way that didn’t occur to you prior. When you are rested and alert, you are more able to think and do the things that facilitate your personal evolution.
Now, if you’re someone who can’t simply ‘get more sleep’ – consider making a plan for it. Set a time to get ready for bed… perhaps an hour or two before you actually go to bed. Instead of simply collapsing when you can no longer be upright, consider setting up practices and rituals to make for a better night’s sleep. Schedule a time to turn off your electronic devices. Do something kind for your body, like taking a warm bath or drinking a warm cup of tea. Resist the urge to stimulate your mind with conversation or external noise of any kind. Meditate, if that’s a practice that you’re attracted to. Every action should be intended to make the most of the time you spend sleeping, so that when you actually get into bed, you’ll be able to fall asleep and stay that way until it’s time for you to wake up.
Again, I know it sounds simple and rudimentary, but getting enough sleep is a great way to practice self-care. Give your body the rest it needs and deserves, so that you can truly thrive in your waking hours.
These are just a few ways to practice self-care from moment to moment. Have you been practicing any of these things since the start of 2023? Were you practicing before the New Year even began. Take stock of what you need to truly thrive, and step by step… do what you can to get yourself closer to truly looking after yourself from the inside out.
